instead of crumbling under my typical jurassic pile of resolutions, i marked 2012 by choosing one word to serve as my guidepost:
ok, to say i chose it may be a bit of a stretch.
a HUGE stretch.
i would never have chosen it.
i mean, who wants to release? not me. i would have chosen something easy.
like chocolate, for example. i would have crushed that resolution.
but God dropped the word, and after carefully analyzing my pleading please-don’t-make-me-i’ll-do-anything-but-that reaction, i knew that release must be the word for me.
so on this new year’s eve, i thought i would attempt to illustrate how ridiculously appropriate this word has been.
in 2012, i released:
- bucketloads of pride after my son was born: i needed help, and lots of it. when you’re spending your days weeping, popping tylenol like m & m’s, and living on a donut pillow, your options are pretty slim.
- the bizarre notion of the supermom: i have no idea what i’m doing. no one knows what they’re doing. and those who say they have the answers are lying. this parenting stuff is hard. but i’m doing my best. thank goodness i have the ultimate Father to help me because all those opinionated mommy groups online sent me to crazy-town for a while (more on that some other time).
- my body: coming from a fitness background, i already tend to be hard on myself physically (pretty much an industry where people judge how qualified you are based on your looks; it makes for some sweet issues). anyway, after my little muffin was born, my body resembled a rather large undercooked muffin. and it didn’t snap back. whenever i went out in public, i felt the need to communicate to all innocent bystanders within a 20 foot radius that i had just had a baby. i mean, i didn’t want them to think this was really what i looked like. but perspective is a great healer. and i gained an avalanche of perspective by writing far more candidly than i had planned in a love letter to my body. not to mention reading the two hundred or so letters that poured in to come alongside mine. i have been able to give my body more love and grace in this unlikely season than ever before. if your body is needing a little grace and love, i would suggest reading through a few of them.
- my job: whew, this was one was gut-wrenching, and came right at the end of the year. nothing like going out with a bang. after crunching numbers, juggling schedules, and approximately fourteen complete emotional breakdowns, it became painfully clear that i would not able to return to mercy ministries in this season. i wrote about it here if you missed it.
so good-bye 2012.
good-bye to the most petrifying, beautiful, introspective, humbling, what-the-heck-am-i-going-to-do-with-my-life year yet.
on to the next!
happy new year friends